Blaugust Day 22: Crusade

Posted: August 23, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

There’s very few things that I feel strongly enough about to try to push. Sure, there’s injustice in the world. There’s wrongs that can and should be righted. Turmoil and strife, war, drama, boy bands… many deep and horrible things that exist. Today, I’ll be addressing you about a great imbalance, something that is dark and dismal.

I started this crusade a few years ago when I noticed an… emptiness. There’s something missing from all of our lives. A hole that many are barely aware of its presence, and possibly trying not to notice the lack therein. It’s been there for almost 11 years now.

That’s right, I’m talking about our lack of being able to cook our own bacon in WoW.

Currently, there’s two ways to obtain bacon in World of Warcraft. You can complete a quest chain in Hellfire Peninsula where one of the rewards is 5 pieces of hellboar bacon. 5 PIECES. PER CHARACTER. EVER. You cannot get any more of them!! And Horde characters have a troll vendor in their Shrine in Pandaria named Ba’kon who sells Thick-Cut Bacon and two other things which don’t matter whatsoever because they’re not bacon.

The game has been out since November 2004, and in all that time, not a single player character has been able to take some of that ever-present boar meat, slice it thin, and slap it on a hot metal surface. Hells, these days many people skip Outlands altogether. There are countless Alliance characters who have never consumed bacon, nor been anywhere near it!!


My first BlizzCon, I was unable to ask about the lack of bacon in WoW. Lined up a bit too late in the open Q&A. Last year, however, I made it up there. In all my bearded, bowler hat, bacon-loving glory, they had me ask the important question across all the screens in the main hall, and I got an answer… “We Have The Technology”. Not much of one, but I did put them on the spot about it.

…little did I know that they had footage of me asking about bacon in the Looking For Group documentary during the end credits, to the point that friends who I never knew played WoW were getting in touch with me about it and laughing from the question. Hells, the devs kinda glanced at each other when I asked it and shared a smile, apparently already in on the joke when I was at BlizzCon.

Well, now we’ve got a new expansion in the works. I’ve tweeted Crafticus about it a few times, and I don’t plan on giving up. Not now, not when we have the chance to change the world. I’ll be right back there in line again this year, and putting them on the spot once more. And I will continue my efforts until this great injustice has been dealt with.

With the Burning Legion on the horizon, preparing to invade our world, our heroes must be strong. They must be inspired. They must have the most legendary of meat products to consume.

Our heroes need bacon, if we are to win this fight.

-Bane Falcon
Make sure its charred and bleeding.” (expression used at one time for troll-slaying, but now refers to making sure any adversary is truly dead or dying. Strangely, also used to describe the dwarven preference for charred and rare meat.)


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